"Apple CEO Unable to Swim"

From Michael Malone's Infinite Loop, a joke by John Dvorak, of whom I'm usually not a fan. He nailed this one:

"Bill Gates and Steve Jobs were playing a friendly game of Frisbee at the Gates estate on the shore of Lake Washington. At one point, Bill accidently [sic] sends the Frisbee over Steve's head, and the Frisbee lands in the lake. Steve walks out onto the surface of the lake and retrieves the Frisbee. 
The next day, the newspapers report: GATES' THROW EXCEEDS EXPECTATIONS, APPLE CEO UNABLE TO SWIM.

Change "Steve Jobs" to Tim Cook and "Bill Gates" to any hot young tech CEO. Perfect.